Secrets to long, happy relationships revealed.
Communication, forgiveness, laughter and sharing experiences are just some of the secrets to keeping the spark alive in a long and loving marriage, according to Ruby by Living Gems’ Neville and Shelagh Clune who have spent the better part of their lives together.
Both agree that keeping a long-term relationship alive and thriving can be difficult but worth it.
There has been much research into how to maintain a loving relationship over the long-term, with the need to keep nourishing the bond couples share identified as key.
Ways to do this can include trying new things together, communicating regularly, making the effort to spend quality time together, and reliving some of the activities shared earlier in the partnership that contributed to a couple falling in love.
Couples that play together stay together, according to Tony Brook University researcher Arthur Aron, Ph.D. His studies showed that participating in new and exciting activities as a couple increases relationship quality, makes it more fulfilling and helps stave off boredom which can contribute to breakups.
Shelagh and Neville, who are still together half a century after first saying `I do’, agree and although they admit to having different interests, they also love to share new experiences such as whale watching, socialising and travel, with a trip to Tasmania planned this year.
The couple married on 21 August, 1971, in Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast. Although they were born in the same year and both attended the local Miami High School, it was a chance meeting that brought them together.
“Nev, who was an aerospace engineer in the RAAF, was holidaying on the Gold Coast and was standing with some mates near to where I worked. Like brash 17-year-olds of the day, we started to chat and before I knew it Nev had asked me out … and the rest, as they say, is history,” said Shelagh.
What did they find attractive about each other during their courtship days?
Shelagh said Nev was gorgeous to look at and had a great sense of humour and her lifelong beau immediately found her attractive and was smitten with her vibrant personality.
After 51 years of marriage, the couple believe their union was meant to be.
“To be honest, we are quite different, which makes you wonder how we survived together for so long, but we put it down to good communication and being there for each other because when we are feeling down or have a problem, we don’t bottle it up but rather talk to each other about it.”
The couple, who have two sons, four granddaughters and a great granddaughter, say they know each other so well that they are almost as one in mind and spirit which is something they love about their relationship.
Shelagh said she still has the very first heart-shaped Valentine’s Day card Nev sent her in 1969 and that they are still as much in love today, if not more, than the day they were married.
Six secrets to long-lasting love
- Humour: Having a sense of humour that is compatible with that of your partner can be extremely beneficial. Laughing together can positively influence your relationship, sex life, and conflict resolution abilities.
- Communication: As one of the pillars of a great relationship, when communication between partners flows properly, it encourages growth. Talking to each other daily about your day, feelings and things that have happened should be fundamental in every relationship.
- Compromise: Every great relationship has an essence of compromise and of meeting each other halfway.
- Forgiveness: Accepting that no one is above mistakes and forgiving each other when one is made.
- Hug often: Non-sexual touch is an important part of relationship intimacy. A 20-second hug can get oxytocin, the neurochemical responsible for feelings of love and bonding and higher levels of empathy, flowing which reduces stress and tension while increasing relaxation and connection.
- Maintain positive thoughts: Couples who continually remember their partner’s unique, genuine qualities such as kindness, humour and personality, remain content with each other.
